"...are big with mercy, and shall break with blessing on thy head."

It's Tuesday night now, and it appears the hard part is over. Isaiah is laid out cold in the hospital bed next to me, asleep after a grueling 48 hours. Thus far he's recovering well from the surgery with no sign of any problem whatsoever. We are hoping that we might be able to go home tomorrow. Right now everything appears on track, and we are anxious to get home, but we want to make sure he gets everything he needs.

The morning before Isaiah went into the hospital I got up early to spend some time in the quiet hours, bringing my fears and concerns before the Lord. You hymn-lovers out there may have noticed from the previous post the words in the title from William Cowper's God Moves in a Mysterious Way.Without a doubt it is one of my favorite hymns. The words are simple, yet profound and have been a comfort to me many many times. Verse 3 became my "goto" verse during this time in the hospital with Isaiah.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,

The clouds ye so much dread

Are big with mercy, and shall break

in blessings on thy head.

We've know about this surgery for a while now, and to be quite honest, we are kind of excited about him getting it. It's going to be a big improvement for his quality of life and ours for that matter. Yet I was dreading it. I never look forward to my child going into the hospital even when it's planned and even when it's going to be beneficial. I find nothing in this life more nerve-wracking than my child being hooked up to beeping and bubbling machines, nurses and doctors poking and prodding him, tubes being run down his throat, and finally having him wheeled away to a back room, put under anesthesia, and his little body invaded by sharp instruments. I don't care what the benefit may be, the process of getting there is no fun. And I must confess, unfortunately, I all too often focus on the clouds and not the rains of mercy they contain.

But God has been gracious to help me this time to look not so much upon the storm clouds but more upon the fertile soil being watered. Here are just a few blessings:

• The blessing of just being with my son: I've had the privilege to laugh with him when he laughs, cry with him when he cries, hold his hand, comfort him, pray with him, sing to him, etc. What a joy it is to walk into a room and have his face light up, to know that he looks upon me as a place of safety and love.
• The blessing of knowing lots of people are praying for us: If there's one really positive aspect of social networks like Facebook and Twitter it is that prayer requests can fly all over the globe at lightening speed. Having all of the messages and emails coming to us saying "We're praying for you" was unbelievable. One poignant moment was right after they finished putting the tube down Isaiah's nose and throat. For some reason this is always very hard for me to watch, not simply because it hurts him, but it's one of those things that I just have to leave the room when they do it because I start getting dizzy. But this time I determined that I wanted to stay. I wanted to be by my son's and wife's side. I didn't want to leave him. As they started putting the tube up his nose, I didn't know if I would make it. I was tempted to walk out several times, but I pressed on. Finally they got it in, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Right at that moment I got a message on my phone. It was a friend of ours from St. Petersburg, and she wrote "Praying for you right now." It was amazing to know that right at that moment when I needed it the most, one of God's dear saints, five-thousand miles away was speaking to the Father on our behalf. What an amazing blessing.
• The blessing of deepened love and appreciation for my wife: Time-wise Cristy and I have not been able to be together a whole lot during this ordeal, yet at the same time I find that my love and appreciation for Cristy grows deeper during these moments. I see the gifts God has given her, her devotion and love, and I am overwhelmed with God's mercy that gave me such a wonderful helpmate.
• The blessing of learning to focus more on the Lord and learning to trust him and love him more: It is mercy to know the Lord through all of this. As much as I worry, even when I know that God is in control, I can't imagine what kind of state I would be in if I believed it was all up to me and the doctors. There's a line in the song by Sovereign Grace called In the Valley that says "In the daytime there are stars in the heavens, but they only shine at night. And the deeper that I go into darkness, the more I see their radiant light." It is in the valleys that my attention is turned to the things of God more and where I see his mercy more and more. It is mercy that Isaiah was born to us. It is God's mercy that we were born into Christian families and didn't grow up to be those that would have aborted him before he was born. It is mercy that we have such amazing medical care for him, wonderful doctors and nurses. It is mercy that he is such a tremendously joyful and pleasant child to be around, always tender and affectionate, full of joy and laughter. It is all mercy.

We know that there are more storm clouds in the distant future. We know that with his condition there will be more days in the hospital and more surgeries to come. But each one of these brings the rain of God's mercy and blessing.